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La Tanya Taylor  

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Smething ;P
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*looks around suspiciously* it's from THEM...they're watching you..
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Recent Journal Entries

  • 6/22/08 About damn time!
  • 5/4/08 I love you… when its convenient
  • 4/28/08 5 Things you want to learn
  • 3/31/08 Sakura-Con 2008
  • 1/10/08 Ripper
  • 8/9/07 Alright god damnit!
  • 7/30/07 Another day
  • 4/25/06 Finding direction
  • 4/18/06 SCA
  • 3/18/06 Your not half the man You think You are

    • Disclaimer

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    Your not half the man You think You are

    Journal Entry: Sat Mar 18, 2006, 4:55 AM
    what wakes us in the middle of the night and robs us of our ability to find safety in sleep? here it is 3:37am in the morning wide awake and in pain. my gut is churning with hate and pain a very nasty mixture. i once asked someone i cared about how He could "fall out of love" with someone. i really do not think a person can simple find them selves no longer in love. love... at least what i have felt just dose not work that way. no i think we do not fall out of love but we realize the person we love is not the -really- person but the one that person pretends to be for their own means.

    i am wondering when my regret will kick in, its always there. i blow up and a few hours or day i feel bad and things change… not this time. no, now i feel the pain only growing. before when i have been hurt i have fought it with ever thing i have. this time i find myself sitting silently in the dark and letting the darkness seep into me from all sides. it is a calming slow death of self but somewhat comforting. i think it is what someone must feel when they know they are going to die at their own hands. the fear of the unknown and death make that panic rise but there is a deep dark calm because you know the pain is going to stop. i won’t be dying this day… not in the same manor but i am letting part of me slip away. loving without bounds is a childhood curse and a romantic’s dream. i realize now that i have to grow up. there are no princes, true loves or truths. the only things that exists from fairy tails are dark creatures, villains, and evil.

    and so i take my love and lay it gently below the surface and put it to rest forever. yes i feel the panic, and the fear of the unknown but there is now a dark calm…

    no more pain.

    *******************************
    Je suis désolé
    Lo siento
    Ik ben droevig
    Sono spiacente
    Perdóname

    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    [repeat]

    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say you're sorry
    I've heard it all before
    And I can take care of myself
    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say 'forgive me'
    I've seen it all before
    And I can't take it anymore

    You're not half the man you think you are
    Save your words because you've gone too far
    I've listened to your lies and all your stories (Listen to your stories)
    You're not half the man you'd like to be

    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say you're sorry
    I've heard it all before
    And I can take care of myself
    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say 'forgive me'
    I've seen it all before
    And I can't take it anymore

    Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap
    There's more important things than hearing you speak
    You stayed because I made it so convenient
    Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

    Gomen nasai
    Mujhe maaf kardo [Hindi. English translation: "Please forgive me"]
    Przepraszam [Polish. English translation: "Sorry"]
    Slihah
    Forgive me...

    (Sorry, sorry, sorry)
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    [repeat]

    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say you're sorry
    I've heard it all before
    And I can take care of myself
    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say 'forgive me'
    I've seen it all before
    And I can't take it anymore

    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say you're sorry
    (Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap)
    I've heard it all before, And I can take care of myself
    (There's more important things than hearing you speak)
    I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
    Please don't say 'forgive me'

    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before
    I've heard it all before

    • Mood: heart broken
    • Listening to: Sorry - Madonna
    • Reading: Dark Desire
    • Watching: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

    Devious Comments

    love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

    ~Silverlion:iconSilverlion: Mar 18, 2006, 2:50:53 PM
    I know the feeling. I do. I's not fun at all.
    *shatia:iconshatia: Mar 18, 2006, 4:37:22 PM
    really? its kind of nice to know i am not alone but at the same time i feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with pain like this.

    how do you cope with it because i am completely lost. other than staying drunk for the past few days and self inflicted pain i am hanging on by the tips of my fingers. :(

    --
    "the ultimate measure of a woman is not where she stands in moments of comfort and conveneince but where she stands at times of controversy and challenge"
    ~Silverlion:iconSilverlion: Mar 18, 2006, 5:28:39 PM
    I fight. Because what choice is there? to let 'them' win? It hurts a lot I know. It still hurts after all this time (but I broke in the process feh.) but I still fight, because there is dawn tomorrow. There is rain, and snow, and other things coming, But there are things to want and need, and fight for--my dog for one whose never hurt me, just been a nutty friend. and the chance to love again, no matter how much it hurt before.

    And even if I don't get the latter, there are things to see, draw, write.

    But always there is the fight.
    *shatia:iconshatia: Mar 18, 2006, 7:21:15 PM
    i would happly cut out my right eye with a flaming hot rusty tuna can lid than EVER let anyone close to me again. i understand the silver lining thing but hope only lasts for so long before you realize you are chasing things that are just not ment to be.

    --
    "the ultimate measure of a woman is not where she stands in moments of comfort and conveneince but where she stands at times of controversy and challenge"
    ~Silverlion:iconSilverlion: Mar 18, 2006, 9:47:12 PM
    I know the feeling. I do. My trust is gone and broken. But unfortunatly I need some things I can't have without a relationship.

    But I'm male, which explains that!
    ~horla:iconhorla: Mar 19, 2006, 12:08:37 AM
    Does Middy have to choke a bitch? Because Middy fucking will.

    --
    It's a dog-eat-dog world
    and I've got bigger teeth than you.
    *shatia:iconshatia: Mar 19, 2006, 1:21:00 PM
    ya me... if you love me middy baby just shoot me in the face now and get it over with *sighs*

    --
    "the ultimate measure of a woman is not where she stands in moments of comfort and conveneince but where she stands at times of controversy and challenge"
    *shatia:iconshatia: Mar 19, 2006, 1:22:28 PM
    male or female i think it is the same when it comes to heart break. the only diffrence is (usually) heartbreak makes woman hurt then they get addicted to it (why girls like "bad guys").for males it makes them hate the women who do it to them and that bleeds over to their ideas of all women.

    fucked up cycle...

    --
    "the ultimate measure of a woman is not where she stands in moments of comfort and conveneince but where she stands at times of controversy and challenge"
    ~Silverlion:iconSilverlion: Mar 19, 2006, 1:28:12 PM
    yeah it is. Very. I wish it could be changed, I believe not everyone is like that--I've known happy people.

    So it has to be possible.
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